HOW TO BE REALLY REALLY DIFFERENT
THEY
WE
They just sell their goods for money We give value for money They use pesky salesmen to harass and sell their wares We push relentlessly to become your business partner They don't answer their phone in person We have an answering machine, which in turn connects to other answering machines They don't work hard We are already stretched beyond limits They sell goods cheap by giving discounts to attract customers We ensure affordability and cost effectiveness They don't provide service on time We can't be everywhere at the same time They blatantly cheat customers by refusing refunds for defective products and services The terms and conditions in our fine print disallow refunds They started their business purely with a selfish ulterior motive of making heaps of money We started our business because we saw a great revenue growth opportunity. Their products are exorbitantly priced We believe quality costs money They go belly up listening to advice from astrologers and conmen We experiment with several best practices from expensive consultants and B-School professors They cheat by using personal rapport to get business We use relationship management to retain customers They are always on leave or something We need a work life balance They use unfair methods to retain customers We retain customer loyalty by becoming the sole service provider They fire employees without mercy. We adopt industry standard managed attrition practices to downsize swiftly. Their salary structures are arbitrary Our salary structures are properly framed by evaluating a variance driven, confusion infected, market messed, component based, subjective driven, budget limited pay scales They are not consistent in their approach We experiment with various approaches for transforming change They are always complaining and grumbling We need to air our genuine grievances They are always thinking of money We get up in the morning with the sole intention of passionately serving customers to increase revenue They just talk and blabber We communicate effectively They sell anything and everything We diversify our products and services to sustain our business They simply increase prices arbitrarily We constantly factor in our operating and overhead costs They do not employ enough people to fully meet customer satisfaction We have budget and manpower constraints They are stingy We practice continuously cost saving They are not a go getter We do not take unnecessary risks They harass their employees by constantly breathing down their necks We continuously monitor and control employees to achieve our business and financial goals. They are not flexible We follow rules and rigid processes that cannot be deviated from. They don't provide good service We are doing the best we can They don't know when and where to stop We strongly believe in "Sky is the limit." They always have problems We have challenges. Note: You may freely publish any of my articles intact on your website or newsletter as long as you include the signature box above.
Thejendra BS is an IT manager and author from Bangalore, India. He scribbles mild and wild articles on technology, business management, self improvement and wacky humor that get published on many reputed websites and syndicated through various RSS feeds around our planet. He has also published diverse books like Disaster Recovery & Business Continuity, Practical IT Service Management, Corporate Wardrobe-Business Humor Series and Life-365-A Year's Supply of Wisdom, Tips & Advice. Visit his web cave www.thejendra.com for his free articles and details of his books.
